Guys, I don’t know how else to tell you this, but Staci died yesterday. There was an accident a week where she hit her head. She’d been in the hospital all week and looked to be recovering, but started taking a turn for the worst on Thursday. I lost the love of my life at 4pm yesterday. The girls and I are devastated. <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I stood there. Just staring at it. My wife was also on the text, and I hear here running out<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\nThat’s not real, right?<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
I looked at her. Look at the message. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Matt is one of my longest friends. Staci was his beautiful wife – just a shining light to the world. They have 2 daughters – just as beautiful as Staci – the same age as my boys. We saw them just 3 weeks earlier. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I was stunned. Actually – I am stunned still. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And I decided that it would be a good idea to go out and get one of Staci’s favorite beers and pour one back in her honor. So I did. Racer 5 IPA. After 36 days no booze, and missing a dear friend, it was an amazing beer. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But it put me down an unhealthy path. I couldn’t cope with everything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
That isn’t true. I didn’t know how to cope so I went back to my old ways of coping. Booze.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Booze turned into rough mornings. Turned into shitty workouts. Turned into poor diet. Turned into shitty sleep. Turned into no more cardio. Turned into back to 204 within 2 weeks. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I honestly don’t know what I am telling the world all this. Except for the fact that maybe I actually want to be real on this site for once and not post the same old motivational shit that we all hear everyday. Maybe not post a fitness site though the lens that “Hey – look at me – everythign is awesome and you can be too”. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Life is a struggle. And a rough one at that. We all have high hopes and aspirations – big goals we want to accomplish. But we stil year after year after year being the SAME person – being the STILL person. Still broke. Still fat. Still mad. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then – just went we finally get the momentum that we have been waiting YEARS to get. Just when we start getting our stride. Just went we find our way – life comes and serves up another gut wrenching loss that makes it hard to do anything else but contemplate the cruel world we live in. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of your dearest friends just lost his wife and the mother of his kids – how can you not think that the world is a fucked up place and ponder why you do the shit you do – and what is the actual point of anything. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But like an onion – there are layers to be peeled back. You just have to keep peeling until you find the layer that is meaningful to you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
So here I am – 17 days sober again. Back in the gym. Back on the diet. Back getting the results. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Will I fall off the wagon again? Yeah – I could almost bet money on that. Because life is a cruel bitch. Life is suffering. It will shake you to your core just to test your will. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
And you will fall off. Maybe for an hour. Maybe for a day. Maybe for 5 weeks. Maybe for 5 years. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But as long as you are breathing – you have a chance to get back on it. As long as you can put your feet on the earth – you can take on the day. As long as you can feel the warmth of the sun on your skin – you can get back at it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I honestly have no idea why I wrote this, how I wrote this, or who needs to hear this. It quite literally just came out of me. But maybe that is the point. I have always wanted to get back to writing on this site in a more real way, not just a way that gets readers to the site. Maybe this was it. Maybe no one will ever read it. Regardless – I think I needed this post more than anyone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
To your health. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I started this site back in 2020 before the world turned into a new world. I was tired of being sick and tired and fat, so I started working out again. And with a background in health and fitness, and a passion in personal development, I was going to help others to do the same […]\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\n
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